When to set off
The timing of the journey does more than anything packed into it.
Setting off to coincide with a nap is the standard move and works for a good many children, with the caveat that a toddler who sleeps for two hours in the car will not then sleep at the usual time that evening. For journeys long enough to swallow a whole afternoon, that trade is usually worth making. Setting off early in the morning, before a child is properly awake, works on the same principle.
The other approach is to accept the journey will take longer than the route says and plan for it: adding an hour for stops at the outset converts a series of irritating delays into the plan working as intended.
What to take
- Drawing that does not transfer. Magnetic drawing boards, and markers that only mark their own paper, exist precisely for this and are worth the money for anyone who has cleaned felt tip off a car seat.
- Toys that can be retrieved. The single most reliable source of distress on a long drive is a dropped favourite that nobody can reach. Larger items, or things on a short tether clipped to the seat, avoid an unplanned stop.
- Something new, kept back. A new book or sticker book, produced at the point things start to go wrong rather than at the start, buys a surprising amount of time. It does not need to be anything much.
- A change of clothes and a bag for wet ones, within reach rather than in the boot.
- Music the child knows, and a willingness to hear it many times. Singing along is one of the few things that occupies a toddler and the adults simultaneously.
Food and drink, with two corrections
Snacks matter, and two pieces of standard older advice on this are worth reversing.
Not juice, and not in a sippy cup. Water or milk is the guidance for toddlers, and the specific thing warned against is a cup of something sweet sipped slowly over a long period, which is the worst case for teeth — and a long car journey is exactly that scenario. Water is also simply better for a child who may be about to feel sick.
Not dried fruit, and not unsupervised. Raisins turn up in every older list of car snacks and they are a poor choice twice over: sticky concentrated sugar held against the teeth for hours, and a choking risk in a child who is strapped in, facing away, and may be eating while the car is moving and nobody is watching. A choking child in a car seat behind the driver is a genuinely bad situation.
Better choices are things that are soft, large enough to hold, and not easily inhaled, handed back one at a time rather than left in a pot within reach. The safest arrangement is eating during the stops rather than between them.
Nothing bulky in the seat
Older advice calls pillows essential on a long drive. They are not, and the version of it that puts a pillow behind or under a child in a car seat is a safety problem rather than a comfort measure.
Nothing goes between the child and the harness, and nothing bulky goes behind the back or under the bottom, because it changes how the harness sits and introduces slack that is not there when the seat is used as designed. Thick coats and snowsuits are the same issue — the harness is tightened over the padding, and the padding compresses in a crash.
What does work is a head support designed and sold for that specific seat, a blanket over the top of a fastened harness rather than under it, and a sunshade on the window.
Breaks
Stopping at least every two hours is the usual advice and it is as much for the driver as the child. A toddler who has been out of the seat, run about for ten minutes and had something to eat is a different proposition for the next stretch.
Two points that are easy to get wrong. A child being potty trained needs stops arranged around them rather than the other way round, and the first long journey after training started is not the moment to find out how long they can hold on. And babies and very young children should not spend excessive uninterrupted time in a car seat; the seat holds the spine in a curved position and long unbroken stretches are not recommended, which is a further argument for breaking a journey up even when a baby is asleep and the temptation to press on is strong.
Car sickness
Missing from most lists and worth knowing, since it becomes common in the toddler and pre-school years.
Motion sickness happens when what the eyes report and what the inner ear reports disagree. The practical measures follow from that: a view out of the front window rather than the side, fresh air, a light meal rather than a large one before setting off, and no reading or screens, which are the surest way to bring it on. Distraction by talking or singing works better than anything the child has to look at.
Frequent stops help, and a child who says they feel sick should be taken seriously immediately, because the window between the announcement and the event is short. A pharmacist can advise on whether anything is suitable for a particular child's age, and that is the right place to ask rather than guessing from a packet.
Trains and planes
A train is in most respects easier: a toddler can move about, there is usually a table, and the journey does not depend on the adult's concentration. The trade is that there is nowhere to contain a child who has decided to explore.
On a flight, the things that matter are something to suck or drink during take-off and descent to help with ear pressure, and the acceptance that a short delay with a tired toddler in a terminal is harder than the flight itself. Airlines differ considerably on whether a car seat may be used on board and on what counts as an approved one, so that is a question to ask the airline rather than assume.
Expectations
The honest summary is that a long journey with a small child is not going to be pleasant throughout, and planning on the basis that it will is what makes it worse. A journey that includes two unscheduled stops, a period of crying and a late arrival has gone normally.
The adult's state is the part that is actually controllable and it has the largest effect on the atmosphere in the car. A driver who has allowed enough time, is not trying to make up for a late start, and is prepared to stop again is a driver having a better journey, and so is everyone else in the vehicle.