Preparing Your Toddler for a New Sibling

Becoming a big brother or sister is an exciting event in a child's life. But for a toddler who has never had this experience, it can also be pretty intimidating. Your toddler will have lots of concerns, but may have trouble voicing them. But there are some things you can do to make the transition easier for her.

When to Tell Your Toddler About the Baby

To a toddler, sitting in time out for a couple of minutes seems like an eternity. So as you might imagine, 9 months is more than she can fathom. That's why it's important not to tell your toddler too early in the pregnancy.

In most cases, you can wait until 2 or 3 months before the baby is due to tell your toddler about it. And if she starts asking questions about your bulging belly, that's a sign that it may be time to spill the beans.

Getting Accustomed to the Idea of a Little Brother or Sister

Once you have told your toddler that she will have a new brother or sister, she will probably have lots of questions. Younger toddlers, however, will not know how to put all of those questions into words. You can help by giving your toddler as much information as possible in terms that she can understand.

If you have a friend or family member who has a newborn, taking your toddler to spend some time with her is a great idea. Seeing a baby live and in person will let your toddler see what it does and how it must be cared for. If you don't know anyone who has a new baby, you can get out the photo albums and show your toddler what she was like when she was a baby.

Giving Your Toddler's Things to the Baby

If you are going to be giving your toddler's crib to the new baby, it's a good idea to go ahead and put her in a toddler bed well in advance. This will give her time to adjust and keep her from having hard feelings toward the baby about it. The same holds true if you are moving her to another room.

If you plan to let the baby use your toddler's old toys and outgrown clothes, asking your toddler first will help avoid any ill will. Tell her what a great big sister she will be, and that her younger sibling could really use those clothes and toys that are packed away in the closet.

Preparing your toddler for the arrival of her new brother or sister in advance will give her time to get used to the idea. By the time the baby gets here, she will be excited about its arrival. There may still be some sibling conflicts, but having most of her questions answered will make your toddler feel better about making room for one more in the family.

When Toddler Meets New Baby

Bringing a new baby home is a joyous event for all. But if you have a toddler, she may have mixed feelings about the new addition to the family. Here are some common problems that parents experience with their toddlers after a baby arrives, and how to handle them.

Regression

Your toddler is accustomed to being the baby of the family. Although she is proud of the strides she has made toward becoming a big kid, the arrival of a new baby could cause her to regress. She reasons that since everyone is fawning over the baby, acting like a baby herself will put the spotlight back on her.

Attention is what your toddler is seeking, so this is best handled by not giving extra attention when she acts babyish. Praising her when she does something more "grown up" will reinforce that type of behavior. When she sees that she is getting more attention by acting her age than by acting like the baby, she will be more likely to do so.

Pushing Mom Away

Some toddlers see their baby brother or sister taking up a lot of Mom's time and feel thatMom has no time for them. As a result, they may become more attached to Dad and push Mom away somewhat. While Dad is basking in the newfound attention, Mom feels left out and unwanted.

This is something that shouldn't be taken personally. It's natural for your toddler to have these feelings. Getting Dad to take care of the baby for a little while each day while you spend some quality time with your toddler can help reestablish your special bond. It's also good to do things as a family as much as possible. This will show your toddler that while the baby is an important part of the family, she is just as important.

Acting Out

In some cases, toddlers become difficult, act out, and throw tantrums in response to a new baby brother or sister. This can be quite frustrating and draining for the postpartum mom.

As with regression, it is best to avoid giving extra attention when your child is exhibiting bad behavior if possible. If she intentionally tries to hurt the baby, however, it must be dealt with firmly. Explaining to the child that the baby has feelings too and putting her in time out will give her time to think about her actions and how they affect her sibling.

Not being the baby of the family any more is a big adjustment for your toddler. During this time she needs plenty of love and attention. Taking some time out to spend with her and rewarding good behavior can make the adjustment easier for both toddler and parents.