Baby Shower Gifts

Finding out what is wanted

The direct approach is to ask the expectant parents, and there is nothing wrong with it. Asking the host is often better, since it leaves the guest of honour something to be surprised by on the day.

Most parents now keep a list, and the host will either pass on the link or point to it on the invitation. Where a list exists, using it is the single most effective thing a guest can do. It prevents duplicates, and it means the money goes on something that was actually needed.

Not everyone likes buying from a list, and choosing something personally is a perfectly good alternative. The two approaches also combine well: something from the list, plus one small thing chosen because it suited.

Gift lists and group gifting

Gift lists have moved online and broadened considerably. Alongside lists held at a single shop, universal lists now let parents add items from anywhere, and most support two things a printed list never could.

The first is group gifting, where several guests contribute towards one expensive item — a pram, a cot, a car seat — rather than each buying something small. For a first baby this is frequently the most useful arrangement, and it lets guests give at whatever level suits them.

The second is a cash fund, which parents can put towards a large purchase or hold for whatever turns out to be needed. Some guests find this impersonal; others prefer it to guessing.

Conventions differ. In the United States a registry is close to universal and its details commonly appear on the invitation. In Britain gift lists are widely used but not assumed, and contributions towards one large item are more usual than a long list of small ones.

How much to spend

There is no rule, and the amount should sit comfortably within the guest's own budget rather than matching anyone else's.

As a rough guide in Britain, £20 to £30 is a common range for a friend or colleague, and £30 to £50 for close family. Contributions towards a group gift are often smaller than that and no less welcome. American showers tend to run somewhat higher.

A shower held by colleagues frequently works better as a single collection towards one substantial present than as twenty individual gifts.

What tends to be useful

• Nappies and wipes (diapers, in the United States) in a range of sizes, not just newborn. Babies grow through the first size quickly, and no household has ever regretted having too many.
• Clothes in larger sizes — three to six months, six to nine months. Newborn clothing is what everybody buys, and much of it never gets worn.
• Practical basics that get destroyed — muslins, bibs, cot sheets, sleep bags, bath towels.
• A contribution towards something large, where a group gift is being organised.
• Books, which last far longer than toys and are the one thing that never arrives in excess.
• Vouchers, which let parents buy the thing they turn out to need at three in the morning in week four.

Gifts for the parents rather than the baby

These are consistently the most appreciated and the least often given. Frozen meals or a food delivery voucher. A coffee shop card. Something for the guest of honour herself, who will otherwise receive nothing at her own party. An offer of a specific practical kind — an afternoon of cleaning, a walk with the pram, a load of washing — written on a card and meant seriously.

What to avoid

Some popular gifts are better left in the shop.

Anything intended to go in the cot is worth avoiding. Guidance from the Lullaby Trust is that the safest cot is a clear one: bumpers, pillows, duvets, soft toys, loose bedding, sleep pods and nests, and anything that wedges a baby in one position are all advised against for babies under twelve months. A gift the parents cannot use is not a kindness, however attractive it looks.

Second-hand car seats are the other clear case. The Lullaby Trust advises buying a new car seat for each baby, since wear over time can affect its safety even where the history is known.

Beyond safety, the common mistakes are volume rather than choice: too much newborn-size clothing, and soft toys, of which every baby receives more than it can use.

Personalised gifts

Engraving, embroidery and printing turn an ordinary present into something kept. They suit a shower held after the birth particularly well, since the name, the date and the weight are all known by then.

For a shower before the birth, personalisation is limited to a surname or a general design — and it needs ordering early, since anything made to order takes time.

Does the host give a gift?

Traditionally not. The shower itself is the host's gift, and anyone who has organised one knows how substantial a gift that is. Many hosts give something small anyway, which is entirely their choice and no obligation on anyone else.