Fathers And Children

Once, it was the Victorian view of 'rarely-seen law-giver'. Then the Freudian influenced 'not a terribly important factor' became dominant. That was gradually replaced with the 1950s 'wise breadwinner'. Then came the social revolution of the 1960s, which taught that fathers were little more than sperm donors. Now there's the contemporary, splintered view that encompasses a dozen conflicting outlooks. Sorting out a better view, therefore, will have to involve getting back to basics and asking: "What are fathers for?", "What's the effect of their presence or absence?", and "What actual influence do they have?" Complex and difficult questions, to be sure. Many broad-based studies concur on one point: kids raised without fathers have a much higher incidence of bad outcomes - poor scholastic performance, violent activities, drug use and criminal convictions. What to conclude from that can be problematic. Some point to the economic facts accompanying those fatherless households. Others point to more psychological or ethical factors. Whatever the root cause, and likely there are many, the conclusion remains: kids need dads in order to get the best chance in life. Of course, being a father and being a good father are not the same thing. Studies and common experience suggest that merely supplying funds for food and shelter, helpful as those are, is just the beginning of paternal input to a good outcome. Fathers, whether in single-parent homes or in two-parent, dual gender homes, are still looked to as guidance givers. Female children often look to fathers for a sense of protection, and as an alternative voice in conflicts with the mother. Young males will be influenced by their father when evaluating their own identities. In two-parent, dual gender homes fathers can benefit children of both sexes by, among other things, demonstrating how decisions are made and how they interact with the mother. Both male and female children get clues about 'normal' parental roles when they observe how the father acts when choices are being considered. Do they typically defer certain categories of choices to the mother? (Diet, bedtime, household chores) Do they discuss differences calmly, or do they loudly proclaim male authority? These, along with a wide variety of other common experiences, help shape the children's views of interactions among the sexes. Even during times other than joint decision-making, fathers influence children's views of adults and the world. Different fathers can display very different basic approaches to problem solving, for example. One is confident, objective, or displays a sense of the excitement of discovery and success. That's a very different outlook from the man who shows resentment, fear and self-doubt, or hostility at the need to overcome life's challenges. Children observe fathers in these, and numerous other, settings. What they observe influences their views much more than what is explicitly said or preached. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but real experience offers volumes.